| The Momzilla Test, Whats Really Going On With Mom and How to Handle a Momzilla |
| Are you a Momzilla? An out of control mother of the wedding? A Momzilla is a mother of the bride or groom control freak who insists on supervising every aspect of the daughter or son's wedding. She actually is an out of control control freak who has spent years thinking about her son or daughter's wedding. She is making herself and everyone around her crazy. The wedding is the focus of her life. She lives, eats and breathes the wedding, and it's not her wedding. In her mind, its HER wedding, the wedding she's always dreamed of...hey, didn't you already have YOUR wedding, Mom? To find out if you are a Momzilla, or if your mom is turning into one, take the test! Is the wedding the focus of your life? Do you speak of the wedding as "MY" wedding? Do you spend every waking moment working on wedding plans? Do you have to have the last word on every decision? Are you and the bride and groom arguing about the wedding? Is there contention between you and the bride? Are you arguing with your husband over the wedding plans? Have you voiced your opinion that your daughter or son could "do better" in choosing a partner? Do you insist on complete control on spending except when its something YOU want for the wedding? Have you tried to influence the bride over the wedding colors, wedding theme or attire for the entire wedding party? Do you insist the wedding take place at a location of YOUR choice? Did you try to pick out the invitations? When shopping for the bride's dress, did you mention to the sales consultant "this is what I want for her"? Did you bore the bridal salon staff with detailed descriptions of your own wedding dress? Did you tell the bride the dress she adores is "not the one", or that it makes her look fat? Did you drag dresses into the fitting room and force the bride to try on styles that she didn't like or want, because YOU liked them? Did you belittle her in front of the sales staff? Did you tell her she needs to lose weight, change her makeup and hairstyle? Add 10 points to your score automatically if you made the bride cry in the bridal salon. Did you order the staff around? Did you tell the bride she couldn't have the veil and tiara she wanted because you don't want to spend the money? Did you tell her she had to wear YOUR veil and headpiece? Add another 10 points to the final score if you insist she wear your veil to save money. Do you insist on going along when the bridesmaids shop for the maid's dresses and take over the entire shopping excursion? Have you told the bridesmaids that you want them to have their hair and nails done professionally the day of the wedding so they look presentable? Did you insult the florist by saying that you could make your own flowers cheaper using silk flowers from Wallmart? Did you insist on elaborate floral displays and then complain to the florist about the cost and ask them to cut the price? Did you tell the DJ that you want to go over the playlist with him after the bride and groom approved their list? Have you overruled or belittled every decision the bride makes? Does every decision end in an argument between you and the bride? Did you decide on the wedding menu based on your likes and not those of the bride and groom? Have you comandered the guest list? Do you insist all your friends be invited because you are paying? If they are friends that don't even know the couple, automatically add 5 points to your score. Have you cut the bride and grooms friends off the guest list to make way for friends of yours that will bring bigger gifts? Are you planning the bridal shower so its done your way? Are you upset you aren't invited to the bachelorette party? Do you spend hours on the internet "getting ideas"? Scoring: One point for every yes answer. 5 points and under: Normal wedding stress between a bride and her mom. Congratulations, you are NOT a Momzilla. Most mom's have some amount of input on the wedding and its normal to have some differences of opinion. And yes, most mom's and daughters argue at some point over the wedding. 6 points to 10 points: Mini Momzilla. Tread very carefully, Mom. You are on thin ice. This isn't your wedding, its your daughter's wedding. You've had your wedding. Take a chill pill and bite your tongue. It will all work out and it will be a wonderful wedding for the couple. 11 points and up: Momzilla! Its time to step back and readjust your attitude. Step WAY back. Get a hobby, get a job, do something that will keep you occupied. Find out the psychological reasons WHY you are so obsessed with the wedding. And then back off and apologize to your daughter or son before permanent damage is done to your relationship. Then relax and enjoy the wedding. After all, its just a party. Your relationship with your adult child is more important than any party. And the party is not important in the big scheme of things. The wedding / marriage is what really counts. |
| What's really going on: Its hard when a child gets married. Its like first grade all over again, or leaving for college. She may not want to let go or to be ABLE to let go. She may still feel in command. She has mixed emotions about the wedding in general. She may be happy for you or not. She may not like the bride or groom. She may not be able to handle the financial responsibilities of a large wedding and it may be stressing her out. She may not want to deal with an ex -husband in a social situation, especially if he has a new wife. She may be in menopause and its making her feel unsettled. She may be uncomfortable in social settings. Or, she may just be demanding and NEED to have her own way. I've found two major reasons for Mom turning into Momzilla: One is that she doesn't like the way she looks. She wants to lose weight. She doesn't want to buy the size dress that fits her. Her self image is bad and she's feeling bad about everything. Number two is that she doesn't like the bride or groom. There may be no valid reason or there may be numerous reasons. Its her opinion and she's sticking to it. How to handle a Momzilla: If you are paying for the entire wedding yourself, smile nicely and say "Its my wedding, this is what Joe and I want. I hope you will respect our wishes and have a great time at the wedding. Lets talk about it." If you aren't paying for the wedding and your parents are, sit down and have a heart to heart talk. She may just need to be reassured you still need her and value her advice. Nicely tell her " Mom, this is my wedding. Did you get to make your own choices for your wedding?" This opens up the dialog and gives you a chance to discuss the wedding calmly. It may be up to you to make some compromises. You can't expect to have everything you want, if its that important to you, pay for it yourself. (I know, it hurts, but you are a big girl now and someone has to tell you.) Don't put more stress on your mom by insisting she find a dress in a certain color. Mothers dresses are hard to find in certain colors and you'll drive her crazy trying to find the color AND size that looks good on her. Offer to take her shopping and have a girls day out, just the two of you, shopping and lunching. Make her a part of the wedding plans, don't leave her on the sidelines. Reassure her that she will look amazing. Offer to take her to the cosmetic counter and have the make up artist help her with makeup that will compliment her dress or go to the hairdresser together for highlights. Be considerate of her feelings. She may have very deep seated resentment against her ex husband for reasons you may not know. He's your Dad and you love him. Its going to be very difficult to be in the social setting with him and not with him. I'm sure they thought they'd be together for your wedding and emotions run deep. Let her know you love her and that you know they both will behave like adults for you on your one special day. She may not verbalize it to you, but we sure hear it in the bridal salon. She needs a lot of TLC. If your parents are paying, the financial stress may be overburdening. She might just be going Momzilla because she wants to spend less money. Find out the reasons she's going Momzilla, work toward a solution. You only have one Mom! And if she's just demanding, that's her personality. I don't have a solution! |
